Neil
The Champion
It's only a lifetime, that's only a while. It's not worth the anger you felt as a child. Don't waste the time you have waiting for time to pass.
I'm Sorry. And I'll say it a million times.
I recall the conversation we had a number of years ago about what they did to us. I said, we were like dogs they used in a dog fight, pitting us against each other. You agreed. And I don't think they necessarily did that for amusement, no, not for amusement; but for their need to feel significant to you. And they saw our relationship as a threat to their significance in your life.
So no matter what I did, I was deemed evil, always. Some things were just out-right lies, and others were insidious and manipulative, creating undercurrents of distrust and rebellion against me. So I hold absolutely nothing against you. You were a child. And you were the victim of this manipulation. Not out of their evilness, but out of their insecurities. So I also forgive them. They meant no harm and knew not what they were doing. They loved you and for that, I love them.
With me, you were rebellious. You knew how to push my buttons. You were not respectful to me because you felt all the undercurrents and believed all the stories they told of how I wasn't your real mom. And hence, you behaved as such. I responded in kind. In frustration, exasperation, and pain. But I was wrong. I was wrong to respond like that. I failed to hold it together and I treated you unfairly. For that, I apologize. I have always apologized. I told you years ago, I apologize, I will always apologize, and I'm happy to apologize till the day I die for all and any mistreatment from me to you. Because I never meant to hurt you. I feel great remorse about all the moments I put my anger on you. Great remorse. I love you. And I'm sorry. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. I'm sorry.
I love you, Neil.
I really miss our phone calls, our conversations about life, business, communication, real estate.... I really miss you. We were so close there for a while... I know down deep we both really love each other. I know down deep that you know down deep that I love you. And I have always loved you. From the moment I first saw your picture on the wall and I said, "That is the most beautiful child I have ever seen!"
So no matter what I did, I was deemed evil, always. Some things were just out-right lies, and others were insidious and manipulative, creating undercurrents of distrust and rebellion against me. So I hold absolutely nothing against you. You were a child. And you were the victim of this manipulation. Not out of their evilness, but out of their insecurities. So I also forgive them. They meant no harm and knew not what they were doing. They loved you and for that, I love them.
With me, you were rebellious. You knew how to push my buttons. You were not respectful to me because you felt all the undercurrents and believed all the stories they told of how I wasn't your real mom. And hence, you behaved as such. I responded in kind. In frustration, exasperation, and pain. But I was wrong. I was wrong to respond like that. I failed to hold it together and I treated you unfairly. For that, I apologize. I have always apologized. I told you years ago, I apologize, I will always apologize, and I'm happy to apologize till the day I die for all and any mistreatment from me to you. Because I never meant to hurt you. I feel great remorse about all the moments I put my anger on you. Great remorse. I love you. And I'm sorry. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. I'm sorry.
I love you, Neil.
I really miss our phone calls, our conversations about life, business, communication, real estate.... I really miss you. We were so close there for a while... I know down deep we both really love each other. I know down deep that you know down deep that I love you. And I have always loved you. From the moment I first saw your picture on the wall and I said, "That is the most beautiful child I have ever seen!"